Lay's Kettle-Cooked Jalapeno and Cheddar

There are plenty of variations on the Kettle Chip around lately, and although it's difficult to beat the original Kettle Chips brand for pure quality, the new Lay's are a valiant effort.

I think these are even better than the Kettle Chips Jalapeno flavor, they're not as salty and don't make me feel really dehydrated after a few handfuls. The flavor is better too, a perfect balance of cheddar and jalapeno, the cheddar being slightly more apparent and the jalapeno giving a delicious, spicy aftertaste. The texture isn't as good as Kettle Chips but still great, they're thicker and crunchier than regular Lay's; the individual chips are very small though, which leads to a less satisfying crunch. Another thing I really like about these chips is the fact they're widely available in a smaller, 99cent bag. I eat a lot of junkfood and am very aware of this fact, so smaller bags make me feel less guilty, financially and physically.

So definitely give these a try, there may be other flavors available but these are the only ones I've seen in Toronto so far. If I can find more flavors I will either edit this review or make a new post about them.  There are more reviews to follow so stay tuned. Pepsi Throwback and Ruffles: Jalapeno Popper flavor are to come, among others.

Cheetos!

I've been holding this one off for a while. I guess because Cheetos are a fairly monumental and iconic North American snack, they're also really disgusting but in the most delicious kind of way.  They also come in a ridiculously massive bag of 280 grams, hardcore snacking right here.

Usually I have the civility and willpower to photograph an unopened bag, but these are god damned Cheetos we're talking about, it's impossible not to open them immediately and start devouring them with all the enthusiasm of a starving dog who wandered into a sausage factory.
For my European readers you might be wondering what they're like; British readers might be familiar with Cheesy Wotsits, Cheetos are like those if they'd spent some quality time in Chernobyl for a few months, they're also corn snacks, covered in cheese-powder, only Cheetos are bigger, greasier, saltier and completely caked with cheese dust. I imagine every individual Cheeto probably takes a few minutes off a person's life, but it's probably worth it. My girlfriend was just worryingly lecturing me about their content, I've eaten about 250 grams of them since last night, she's informed me that I have consumed a gram of trans-fat that will never leave my body and probably clog my arteries... still worth it.

OK, I'll be honest, this image does kind of disgust me. When I think that I've eaten dozens of these things, a half a pound of them in the space of about 12 hours, it is somewhat worrying... BUT THEY'RE SO GOOD. I should probably give a brief history of Cheetos. Although there are many variants, the two main varieties are puffs, as shown here, and the crunchy ones. The crunchy ones have a firmer texture as you'd imagine and actually came out first. They originally appeared in 1948 as Chee-tos and were marketed more towards adults than kids, the original mascot was a mouse who spoke like an English butler about his dignified snack, that angle changed over time. Now they're marketed by an awfully 90's and hip cheetah called Chester, who sports shades and flies airplanes, he reminds me of Poochy from The Simpsons, a focus-group 'cool' mascot to appeal to the kids. There are many other variants around the world, just this year in Japan they released a Pepsi flavor! I've also tried the Jalapeno and Cheddar ones which are absolutely delicious.

But in conclusion, I have to ask myself, as I sit here with orange-stained fingernails and a bloated tummy, do I ever want to eat these things again? The obvious answer is no, but somehow I doubt this has been my last tango with Chester Cheetah.

Doritos: Black Pepper Jack

One of two new limited edition flavors of Doritos, the other being Pizza flavor. I think these were around before and Frito Lay bring them back every few years for novelty value.

The good news is that they're really delicious. They have a creamy flavor at first, followed by a great peppery aftertaste, just like the cheese they're named after. When you eat the first few, they seem a little bit bland but it just takes a little while for the flavor to kick in, and when it does, it's really good.
The chips themselves are more pale-looking than most Doritos. They have the same Doritos texture you know and love.

I was going to review the Pizza flavor ones but I don't have a whole lot to say about them. They're kinda gross but I don't like pizza flavored things in general. I'd much rather grab a slice of pizza from one of Toronto's many good and cheap pizza restaurants. If you like pizza-flavored things then by all means check them out, they taste the way you'd expect them to. The Black Pepper Jack are definitely superior, although not in the same league as the now rare Inferno.

Arizona Chocolate Fudge Float

Appetizing name isn't it? And the actual can is even more alluring. It was the beautiful art that drew me in.

Arizona is a popular, low-price range of ice teas and sodas from the USA, they're sold here in Canada too. Some of their best products include their Green Tea with Honey and Strawberry/Kiwi Punch. They only cost 99cent too which is a bargain because the cans are huge, around 700ml.

This particular product is unusual for Arizona as it contains milk, chocolate syrup and fudge. The weird thing though, it's made with carbonated water! Yeah, when I bought this I was hoping for a thick and creamy beverage but unfortunately this stuff is a little too thin, It even looks transparent as it's being poured.

There are instructions on the can to lightly swirl the drink after opening because the chocolate syrup sinks to the bottom. I did this, but it was still far too watery. For me, it was like someone took a nice Mars Drink or some chocolate milk, poured 10ml into a glass, and then topped it up with water. It's also a pretty nasty color when poured.

So as you can see, such a  beautiful can masks a rather fecal-looking, watery, bland-tasting liquid that doesn't really live up to its awesome name. Others may enjoy it, I just can't handle a chocolate drink with the consistency of water. There's also an insane cocktail of sugar, various syrups and artificial sweeteners in the ingredients list so it's not the healthiest beverage option available - even for the junk food connoisseur..

Blair's Death Rain! - Buffalo Wings Chips.

Haven't had the chance to post over the last week, but I return with more spicy, savory snacking goodness in the form of Blair's Buffalo Wing chips!

Remember how I was saying that the Ruffles: Hot Wings are my favorite chips? Well, they've just been replaced. These things are incredible! Blair's is a well-known American company loved by fans of Spicy food all over the western world. They specialize in hot sauces, and unlike a lot of other companies, their sauces are genuinely HOT as well as flavorful. Although these chips are considered to be 'medium heat' by Blair's standards; those not used to spicy food will probably have a tough time with these as they contain real habaneros in the seasoning; hardcore spice monsters will find them pleasantly tingly but not challenging. The seasoning is delicious, slightly sweet at first, then it gives way to a delicious spicy heat that doesn't linger too long on the tongue. The actual chips are also top quality They're thick, crunchy, kettle-cooked chips with a great texture, superior even to the North American Kettle-Chips brand and on par with the European ones.

There are no negative aspects to this product whatsoever, however, they're not widely available here in Canada. So far, the only place I've been able to find them is at 7/11 and unfortunately they're quite expensive, I think around 4 dollars for a 160gram bag, probably due to them being imported from the States. If you find yourself in Canada and in need of some American chips/candy, head for 7/11, just make sure you have plenty of cash, although you will still pay less than in a specialist store.

Oh, and these aren't the only chips available from Blair's, there's an even tastier and spicier Habanero flavor which I plan on reviewing sometime in the near future! The Habanero ones are probably the second-spiciest chips in the world, next to the Ghost Pepper flavor Blair's which are currently unavailable in Canada and therefore out of my reach. (unless somebody wants to send me some)

Stay tuned for some upcoming specials, including a review of some wacky new Irish chocolate bars and reviews of the new limited edition Doritos flavors.

Ruffles Hot Wings flavor

Despite the really ugly packaging, these chips are absolutely incredible. It should be noted that they don't really taste like chicken wings, more like delicious Cajun wing sauce. They're slightly sweet at first but soon give way to a delicious spicy heat which is similar to Louisiana Hotsauce. When I checked the ingredients, I was surprised to see some high-quality stuff in there like aged cayenne peppers and garlic. There is no chicken of any kind in the ingredients, which, to me, is a good thing but that might annoy some people. Unfortunately there is one ingredient keeping these from being vegan and that's buttermilk powder.  Asides from that, these are probably the perfect chip.  They're thick and crunchy but not hard, the texture is perfect, they're also quite generous with the seasoning, if you're not used to spicy food, you may be overwhelmed from eating too many of these amazing chips in one go.

Of all the chip flavors I've tried here in Canada, nothing even comes close to Hot Wings Ruffles. Although not extremely hot, fans of spicy food will adore these chips, and non-fans could well be converted by their delicious spicy seasoning and amazing texture. I hear there is an American variety called Molten Hot Wings but apparently they pale in comparison to their Canadian cousins. Give these a try, they're delicious.

Zesty Cheese Doritos

Another uniquely Canadian flavor. It's a bit hard to write much about these chips, they're not bad by any means, but not particularly good either. Next to Lightly Salted, these are the most bland Doritos in existence. Unlike the superior Nacho Cheese flavor, these ones are devoid of any kind of spiciness. They taste like regular tortillas with some cheesy dusting which seems to be made up of parmesan and cheddar cheese with a hint of onion. They're very edible but also rather boring and perhaps a little too salty, I think I'd probably prefer to just eat regular salted tortilla chips. The seasoning is by no means offensive but it leaves a lot to be desired. The flavor certainly isn't Zesty despite the name, maybe a hint of lemon juice flavoring would give these chips a much-needed kick, they're essentially the Cheeto of the Dorito family, I'd rather eat a bag of Cheetos any day. I guess people who don't like spiciness and really love cheese will enjoy these chips, I'd personally rather the Jalapeno and Cheddar, Inferno, or Spicy Nacho flavor for a cheesy treat that isn't as boring as a Walking Dead marathon.

Another massive downside to these chips is that the flavor really lingers, don't eat them when you're out and about unless you want to smell like an old sock, I ate this bag about an hour ago and I can still taste them, I'm going to go scrub my teeth now. Remember when I said they're not bad? I take it back, they suck. Eugh.